Celebrating Mother’s Day is recognized practically all over the world. With this being Mother’s Day 2024, there are many remembrances that come to mind about both my own mother as well as my mother-in-law.
Although both my mother, Josefina Salmon Salas, and my mother-in-law, Frances Knick Tolley, are both deceased, their memories live on so vividly. My mother-in-law passed away on Dec. 27, 2016, at the age of 95, and my own mother passed away at the age of 88 on Nov. 10, 2000.
My mother, Josefina, was affectionately known by the name of “Gagee.” She was quite frequently an arduous task expert, a strict disciplinarian and never would permit us to “get away with anything.” I do not know how she found when we did something wrong, but she did, and it appeared as if she had “eyes in the back of her head.” It is hard to believe that a 4’9” woman could be so direct, keep all of us four siblings in line and run a household at the same time.
Although my Mom was not given the opportunity to pursue an education beyond ninth grade, both she and my Dad saw to it that all of us received a much-valued education. Not only that, Mom, spoke to us in her articulate Spanish to “Ponganse y hagen su tarea,” which translated meant to get our homework done!
A wonderful memory of Mom was her cooking; it was incredible! My sisters and my brother still have remembrances of tantalizing home-cooked meals made from “scratch” and her never using any boxed food preparation items! I still can recall the aromas as well as taste of her daily homemade tortillas. I recall one particular vacation trip that we took to the little town of Mom’s birth, Marathon, Texas. We were all youngsters at the time and she had cooked an entire roast beef and fried potatoes and placed them in one of her large pots with a lid. There were no fast food places on Highway 90 heading west to visit her sister, Josefa, so we occasionally opened the lid and snuck a piece of tantalizing tender meat and some potatoes. Those were the days!
Mom had arthritis, especially with her knees, but never with her hands, as the daily kneading of the “masa” dough was a source of constant exercise for her hand muscles. It was great how Mom made sure that all of us learned cooking skills. These included several “quality control” aspects such as in our annual “tamalada” session. Mom made sure that our hands were clean, our nails trimmed, hairnets worn, and aprons donned. Ah, what an incredible tasty treat those delicious, delectable tamales were! To this day, my sisters and I, continue our tamale-making tradition in various parts of the U.S. Our own tamale-making Christmas tradition includes our two grown sons and now a daughter-in-law!
Not only did Mom teach us the art of fine cooking, but Mom taught us, including our brother, how to sew and mend items, an invaluable skill today. Also, Mom taught me how to crochet and embroider; two skills that have kept me occupied and “out of trouble” for many years, and have produced beautiful handmade quilts, numerous crocheted doilies, as well as wall hangings. Sadly, I did not retain any of those items except the two quilts!
Mom’s love of plants instilled in us an appreciation of anything that could be grown! We recall having in our small San Antonio, Texas city lot, plants such as: antique teacup roses, several varieties of rose bushes, varied colored crepe myrtle trees and all kinds of fruit trees. It is hard to believe that our small city yard contained fruit trees, such as apple, pear, plum, fig, pecan, tangerine and peach as well as strawberry plants.
I delight in living in West Virginia because anything a person puts in the ground grows due to the consistent rainy weather. Although WV winters are sometimes harsh, some plants and trees flourish here. This year, I may try my hand again at a small vegetable garden in Beverly. It seems as if as time passes, it becomes more difficult to plant a garden and anything related to growing plants. But I will pursue it in my Mom’s memory!
While growing up, I occasionally resented the strict discipline imposed by my mother. She was persistent as well as consistent in her discipline with all of us siblings. She might have favored my younger brother a little bit because he was the “only boy” and she named him affectionately “El Rey Divino” — Divine King! Not to worry, my older sister and I set things straight when we “laid down the law” and asked that he be a part of dishwashing and other household chores!
Upon reflection, we gained so much from having rules and consequences. We had boundaries, yes, we surely did, but that caused us to engender an innate self-discipline in setting goals and following through with intentions. I applaud my mother for the tenacity she possessed in sticking with her job as a mother, working part-time occasionally and instilling in us a religious as well as moral foundation.
My mother-in-law, Frances Knick Tolley, was born on Oct. 6, 1921, in Lexington, Virginia. I remember vividly when I first met her more than 40 years ago. There she was, perched on a high ladder cleaning the long, farmhouse windows. I poked my husband in the ribs and told him that he, standing at 6’4”, should be doing that task, not her! My mother-in-law, Frances, was barely 5 feet tall!
She worked full-time as an administrative assistant at the prestigious George Marshall Foundation Library on the campus of Virginia Military Institute in Lexington. Not only that, but when the farm crops came in, she would be seen canning green beans and tomatoes, freezing corn, or doing whatever to process my father-in-law’s produce. Yum, I still remember her corn pudding made from fresh Early Girl white corn! Frances also knew how to get any stain out of clothing and her words remain imbedded in my mind: “Rinse the clothing in cold water first, let it set, be patient, and then wash in cold water and use Wisk!”
Many years passed, and I still recall vivid memories of both my mother as well as my mother-in-law being elderly and unable to care for themselves. All of us who were nourished and taken care of by our mothers or mother figures, now experienced a reversal of roles. As our own Mom grew feeble, needed a walker and eventually a wheelchair, how life changed! As siblings we shared the responsibility for her care and hired a wonderful woman, Chela, who lived in Monterey, Mexico, but came on a permit to care for our mother on a part-time basis.
We tried our best to make our Mom comfortable and cared for and loved. It is hard to realize how everything had come “full circle.” We continue to remember Mom, who used to energetically as well as meticulously care for us, then having to be cared for by others. When she passed away at the age of eighty-eight, we knew that we had done “all right” by her!
I picture my mother-in-law, Frances, upon our weekend visits to Virginia, sitting alongside her, putting on the CD “100 Best Loved Hymns” and joining her in some good old Baptist songs. She would tell us stories about times long ago while she was in grade school. Back then, there was no separation of church and state in schools. Frances related the story about Mr. Cash, the preacher, and how he visited the schools and taught Bible verses as well as songs! Frances had a strong singing voice and she remembered the words to those songs very well as she aged, and even up to the months preceding her death! Frances had several caretakers, and later when she was bedridden was cared for by my former brother-in-law, Paul, who also passed away about a month and a half after her.
It is not very often that we ponder the realization that we too will one day age. Our bodies will slowly deteriorate, and we will no longer be able to do the things that we so easily and readily do at present. How will we react to others helping us out when we need it? Will we be accepting of the help? Well, we do not know what the future will bring, but in the meantime, cherish your mothers or mother-figures. They will not be with us forever. What a grand tribute to them it would be to respect and love them while they are present on this earth because all too soon, they will no longer be with us!
I authored this article, yes in memory of Mother’s Day, but also to acknowledge the “mother” in all of us! Which of us has not cared for a sibling or loved one? Not only that, but a person can “mother” an animal — think of the nurturing that occurs with our own pets especially our dogs and cats!
We may also have numerous nieces and nephews; do we not care for them sometimes as if they were our own? As educators or in the medical field, how many young men and women have concerned us that we often functioned as a mother would and give friendly advice and counsel as well as a helping hand? Many of us, in fact, have looked after someone as if they were our own.
Mothers come in many sizes, shapes and forms and gender doesn’t matter! So, in retrospect, many greetings go out this weekend, not only to Mothers but also to anyone and everyone who has ever “mothered” someone.
So, to all of you, we wish a “Happy Mother’s Day!”
(The author is a member of Elkins Writers’ Group which meets on the fourth Friday of every month at Alexandria on Main Bookstore in Elkins at 5 p.m. If you would like to write stories, tell tales, or desire more information about the group, please email Cornelia Salas Tolley at elkinswriters@gmail.com, or see the flyer at Alexandria on Main Bookstore. We hope that you can join us in our writing endeavors as we write for the pleasure of writing! We hope that you would like to join our monthly get-together!)